I walked through the doors of FDAMH when I was about 28/29 yr old a was a broken man, I was unrecognizable to myself, I was weighing in at 18st ballooned up with alcohol, too much hospital food and a hand full of mood stabilizes, anti-depressants, and anti-psychotic medication I was taking on a daily basis for about 15 yrs even longer.

All stemmed back Nov 13th 1992, I was 21 yr old and diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD after surviving a fatal road traffic accident where 5 men 2 of the young men were good mates lived in the same street, were killed when two works vans collided. Myself and Jim survived, Jim sadly passed away few yrs later of cancer. The accident was described as Carnage equivalent to a plane crash.

Being the only survivor and suffering yrs of serious mental health problems, survival guilt, behavior issues all stemmed from my alcohol addiction, admitted and at times section under the mental health act in psychiatric hospitals labelled and being treated for hyper mania, depression, OCD. I was told I was a potential risk to myself and others I was in a bad way.

It was 5 yrs after the accident I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Seems like a life time ago, iv came to terms what happened on that cold winter morning when my life was changed and to many lives taken far too soon.

8ys after the accident I was trying to get some sort of normality back in my life I didn’t want to live the life a was living and I went to FDAMH to look at the opportunity to become a volunteer in the center.

The first person a met was Stuart Aitken big fella, I got a big hand shake cup a tea, and that was the beginning of my journey. I had lived in a dark place for so many yrs the family illness was rife took its toll on my now X wife who became my carer and my 2 children heath wellbeing.

And the light was slowly turned on, I didn’t know I was getting better for getting better. Volunteering at FDAMH gave me a purpose to get up in the morning wash my face look presentable taking pride in my appearance I had a duty a responsibility, I didn’t have the capacity for any of this for the chaotic life I was living.

I would welcome the service users to the center, make sure they got the warm welcome I received my first day, I organized the carpet bowls, pool darts competitions, prize bingo. I would sit with Margret in the self-help groups organized by FDAMH and at times just listen to those unfortunate’s who life were unmanageable through their own mental health issues.

You ever sat in a place where you felt part of, valued encouraged, supported where you feel safe to share your own mental health experiences, and not felt discriminated, or judged. Most important you going to get good company from the staff and service users a laugh it’s great to laugh. I got that at FDAMH.

I got to mention my good pal Neil, he still about FDAMH , he started the football, I was getting myself fit, took up walking, got a wee dog walked the legs of her then I got into running, I couldn’t drive so I cycled everywhere for yrs. We would play five aside at Camlon Centre none of us were good at football, which made Neil look amazing but we did brilliant, we even got into finals at football competition. I was crap at football but I could run fast up down that park all day night times forgetting to take the ball with me. They were good times.

Like a said I was 18st I was a as round as I was tall , I was a fit strong before the accident, I started walking round the area a lived, my head was always racing so I just kept walking trying to come to terms or look for answers to my problems that day. So, you can imagine the life a lived a had a lot going in in that head of mine so I did a lot of walking, I took up running, never had the proper running great I would run from lamp-post to lamp-post and slowly progressed round the streets then round my village then anywhere everywhere. I cycled everywhere as I couldn’t drive always in top gear.

I was into Boxing, martial arts, join gyms keep fit classes, boot camp I was into anything that keep me fit strong in good shape. It was important I kept good mental health, it wasn’t always the case and for many yrs and even know I can have those self-doubts, lack confidence that stinking thinking creeps in and that not good place to be. I try to be the best version of myself keep myself active not become too complacent. Remember I’m getting better but never better.

When you find that determination that drive to become fitter faster stronger maybe it wasn’t the healthiest as I would push myself to the limits always going beyond what I thought I could achieve. But I loved it the adrenalin rush

I took the running to a different level and took to the trails, signing up for races I ran a marathon, then ultra-marathons running Munros for fun as part of the training with light minded people like myself

I’m passionate and have a love for the great outdoors, I love being out in nature camping, fishing, hill walking Munros, I’ve learned bush craft, shelter building I’m in a happy place sitting by a loch with a fire on the go carving out whatever I think of carving out wood at that time. Weather irrelevant. Il get up early to catch the sun rise sit up late watch the sun set make a wish if a see a shooting star. I love to take photos catch those magic moments so I got something to reflect back on my day.

I’m on the go all the time, I work in Residential Care caring for children with complex trauma so it’s never a dull moment, always on the go I take the kids out walking, cycling, teach them how to build shelters, light fires fishing I reap the benefits walking in the woods with the kids, imaginary play, experiential learning helping them rewire their little brain helping them regulate by connect with nature. I love to say I practice mindfulness, relax and enjoy those magic moments, a do in away, just not as much as I should I know how beneficial it can be for your health wellbeing to stop and appreciate the small things in life.

I’ve just started a Forest School Qualification that will enhance my knowledge and learn new skills about the benefits using natural nature recourses through play the children will benefit but I will also myself, improving my own knowledge in the love of nature reaping the benefits keeping my own mental health in check

Good Q- As my good old friend Bob would say. “We cannot do this ourself” we all need help one way or another through life, no matter how big or small and if you feel you want to put a little back to FDAMH for the support you have received, a member of the family friend benefited from support from FDAMH you can keep it simple, selling home backing at public events, get creative make things you can sell at a car boot.

More ambitious plan a charity disco, karaoke with a prize donated by business friends’ family etc to raffle bring the money in, even better make it fancy dress.

And if you really want to you could do something way out your comfort zone, something that’s going to be beneficial to you like getting yourself fit.

Couch to 5k Run, charity walk, or cycle. Climb a Munro this could be your own goal or get others involved something you got to training for. You raise the bar and people will be so impressed with your effort and put their hands in their pockets.

What I will suggest no matter what charity event your thinking of planning speak to staff at FDAMH take leaflets banners with you to promoting FDAMH service where ever you go. You could get t-shirts, hoodies with FDAMH logo what you’re hoping to achieve and get people attention. You want to be more than just someone who raised much needed funds to run FDAMH you become the The Messenger for FDAMH rasing FDAMH profile what they offer to those out there who looking for that light if in the dark place.

Share your achievements you journey in accomplishing that goal you set yourself on social media, local paper, get it out there. You done something prity remarkable, some might just want to do something quite and be happy to not get that recognition and that OK .

I totally understand why there is people, young people out there who don’t feel comfortable talking about their own mental health, or even a family members experiences, fear of being judged, discriminated in the work place, or in community, laughed bullied at school, not listened to or being rejected by friends’ family.

Sadly, this does happen. I feel quite fortunate that I haven’t experienced a lot of discrimination or being judged for sharing my mental health journey. I have received so much support encouragement, understanding, or at least people try to understand by struggles. I had no quams sharing my story, my life was like an open book I tell anyone who listen, I had to talk about my bad days, the mad days the good days. I believe I’m where I am in life because I shared my worries, I was open honest put no frills on it never held back it was raw at times sore. But holding it in wasn’t an option to me, it eat my sole keep me awake for days my mental health would be affected

What I do experience by sharing my story, you realize your never alone. I guarantee you will share with someone and they will get identification, have a feeling from hopelessness to hope by listening to your progress or learning from your coping tequiques or where you got the support from, sighing posting them to mental health organizations like FDAMH.

I’m not telling others to go out the roof tops share your life problems, be careful use your own judgment if people are interested in you and your experiences for the right reasons you will know, its ok to show your vulnerability, but also be protective of it.